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1. ECSTASY How you think you behave: Like the beautiful, caring wonderful person you really are. How you actually behave: Like the creepy kid at school who always sucked up to the teacher. Those revolting sweaty hugs you inflict upon anyone you meet are disgusting. Likelihood of getting laid: 30%. Sex is not important. It's all about the "vibe." How you feel in the morning: Like you should have gone for the sex. Embarrassment rating: 6/10 Ecstasy makes you say nice things to people that you don't like. This can be very embarrassing, particularly if people believe what you say. Be careful who you give your phone number to. They just might call. 2. MARIJUANA How you think you behave: You're not sure, but you think people could be laughing at you. How you actually behave: Like someone just hit you over the head with a 800kg fridge/freezer combo. Likelihood of getting laid: 60%. If you spend enough time on the couch, anything can happen. How you feel in the morning: Like another joint. And the rest of that pizza. Embarrassment rating: 1/10. You are moving so slowly that it's almost impossible to do anything stupid. 3. ALCOHOL How you think you behave: Like the life of the party. You are sexy, funny and everybody likes you. How you actually behave: Like the death of the party. Your behaviour gets progressively worse as you tell more and more crass jokes, insult the bartender, spill your drink and make a pass at your best friend's date. Likelihood of getting laid: 90%. Your sexual standards drop dramatically with each consecutive drink. If surrounded by others whose standards are also lowered, then your chances are pretty good. How you feel in the morning: Who did I insult? Where is my car? Why did I sleep with someone from the office? I've never felt this bad before. This is absolutely the last time. Embarrassment rating: 11/10. Not only are you stupid, you are sloppy. Everyone recognizes this, except you. 4. COCAINE How you think you behave: You are smart, irresistible and want to "do lunch" with everyone. How you actually behave: Like an annoying know-it-all who would sell his soul for the next line of blow. Likelihood of getting laid: 80% It may be a Jedi Mind Trick, but when you cincerely believe you are so irresistible, some clueless and insecure type will actually fall for it. How you feel in the morning: Like the apeman. Embarrassment rating: 0/10 if there's more coke in the drawer. 9/10 if there isn't. 5. ACID or SHROOMS How you think you behave: You are not behaving, but the world around you is putting on a pretty good show. How you actually behave: In reality, it is you putting on the show. The rest of the world is behaving the same as ever. Likelihood of getting laid: 20%. Even if you actually manage to get through the process of selecting a mate, removing your clothes and choosing a sexual position, you will then have to deal with the challenge of your partner changing into a furry animal/the devil/your mother. How you feel in the morning: Either you are climbing the walls wishing that God would put an end to your suffering, or you finally understand Huxley's "The Doors of Perception." Embarrassment rating: 0/10. You either sat on the couch and laughed at the TV all night (even if it was turned off), or you climbed onto a building, tried to fly and died. heres more------- You know you're a clubber when..... * The total amount of sleep you get on weekends is the sum total of how many times you've blinked since Friday night. * You have sleeping patterns that would kill a normal human being. * You're dead against drinking alcohol, but will snort horse tranquilliser no prompting needed. * You start to think of Chuppa Chups as a separate food group. * You're happy when there's a recession because it means more empty warehouses. * You can live for an entire weekend out of your backpack. * While your friends are getting married and having kids, you're collecting yo-yo's and trying to remove chewing gum from your cargo pants. * You can stand in front of a 12,000 watt speaker for an hour and love every minute of it. * You grin whenever you see a commercial for "E News". * You're driving your car home and feel like you're in a video game. * You and your friends hear tumbling noises coming from the washing machine and all start to argue whether its jungle or hardcore. * Almost every letter of the alphabet has a separate meaning for you. * You forget about your dreams of becoming a doctor and start to wonder what it would be like to be a cartoon character. * You wallpaper your room with flyers. * You've got a huge pile of dead glow-sticks in your room that you can't throw away because of 'sentimental value'. * You lose 10 kilos in one night and the last thing you think about the next morning is food. * Air, water, medication... all hold equal importance for you. * You've been close friends with someone for weeks without actually knowing their name. a friend sent me this via email but i thought it was too funny to keep for myself. hay lala, bof, norine and mich, consortium days? nakaka-miss. haha! |
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hydrophanous's journal
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